Campus Assault and Rape Survivors Online Network

Nov 6

Letter of Concern

NOTE: This letter was sent to me in an email, with the request for anonymity. I’ve noticed some trouble with non-user submissions. I’ll try to clarify that as soon as possible. If you have submitted to CARSON and it has not appeared on the blog, please send an ask and we will work something out.


I was a friend of both Gregory Schram and Kara Kundert. In light of the recent sentencing and subsequent appeal process, I feel that it is my ethical duty to explain my reasons for concern in regards to Gregory’s behavior. I find that it is more than a possibility that Gregory would commit a similar assault again, and that he is unable to recognize his actions as a serious and harmful crime. My reasons are detailed in the letter below.

Gregory has never shown any remorse for the actions he has taken. At every point, even when directly confronted, he explains that he is “very remorseful,” and expressed several reasons, such as he now has to worry that he is going to assault girls that he is interested in, he is losing friends as a result of his action, and he had to consider seriously whether or not he was the type of person who would commit a sexual assault (he concluded that he was not). This shows that he is not concerned with the actions he took, but takes offense to the consequences of his actions. After the incident in question, he had no qualms. It was only after being confronted by Safety and Security that he decided it was in his best interest to come clean.

Beyond not showing remorse for his actions, he has shown a distinct lack of consideration for Kara’s reactions and well-being. Many times, he has talked about how she was “over-reacting” and “out to get him.” These usually were followed by “I’ve done everything right,what more does she want from me?” In the present semester, he has never indicated that he is concerned about her health, but frequently mentions that she is “being unfair to him.” It is possible that he purposefully violated the stay-away notice twice. I think it is probable for at least one of the incidents to have been less than accidental. This lack of consideration further indicates that he does not think that he has acted wrongly.

From my own experiences, I know that there is more than a possibility that Gregory would commit such an assault again. At the beginning of last year, I had my first experience with alcohol at Gregory’s house. I blacked out, and woke up naked in his bed. He told me that we had had sex, and that he could tell that I was incapable of making decisions, so he decided for me. As far as I can tell, this is rape by the Ohio legal code. Because we had had a previous relationship, I did not feel sufficiently violated to file a report, but I think that this disregard for consent, as well as his disregard for Kara’s consent, is indicative of actions he might take in the future.

There has never been a point at which I have known Gregory to consider another person’s emotions. There have been multiple occasions upon which my female friends have confided in me that he sent sexually explicit and coercive messages to them, and when they expressed discomfort, he would claim it was all a joke, and continue. This happened both before and after the assault on Kara. He has harassed many of our mutual friends, and I don’t know how many more beyond that. He continues to show disrespect towards the women in his life. This contempt for the concerns of his female friends indicates that he could commit another assault.

The only reason that Gregory co-operated with the process was that he thought he would get away with a much lesser sentence. He confided in me that if he could go back, he would rather have lied about the incident, in order to save himself grief. He also claims that he has been “punished enough” by the actions that Kara took by breaking the confidentiality agreement, as well as his own “emotional torment,” the latter of which I believe to be greatly exaggerated and entirely self-centered. Before the confidentiality agreement was violated, he felt that the year’s suspension was unfair because he had “cooperated at every step of the way, and even apologized.” He expressed that because of the way the “system” has treated him, he is going to attempt to publish a public service announcement that details his experiences and encourages people who have committed an assault to not cooperate with the administrative system. This shows clearly that the lesson he has learned from this experience is not that he shouldn’t assault women, but rather that he should cover up and lie about any situations that were non-consensual.

I believe that Gregory reacts in a harmful and destructive way every time he is confronted by a female who does not want to be sexually involved with him. I also believe that his destructive tendencies could result in violence towards the female in question. I have been physically present in several situations where Gregory has felt that he has been jilted, and he gets very destructive; he will throw and slam heavy objects, and punch and kick walls. I have never been the cause of his ire, but I believe that if I were, I would be in danger of bodily harm. I fear that Gregory would act violently against a female who had not given consent, specifically because of the lack of consent.

I am a person who Gregory considers one of his best friends. I was involved in a lot of the process behind the scenes, in terms of supporting his decisions to come clean and try to take the steps possible to make the situation better for Kara. I believed that he was genuinely trying to atone for his mistake last semester. I do not believe the same now. I think now that he has realized that his gesture of confessing completely will not allow him to get the sentence he feels he “deserves,” he has dropped all pretenses of being concerned about the incident and now only wishes to improve his own life, without regard to Kara’s life. I have been very up to date about situations, and I have confronted Gregory many times about the choices he has made this semester to blame Kara for “overreacting,” as well as his lack of remorse and further questionable behavior. He usually responds with the quotes I have used above, and then tries to justify the usage as not selfish or misogynistic. He has never made a statement to the effect of regretting his choice to commit the act, only that he regrets confessing.

Oberlin College